6: The Bruised Clown
The Bruised Clown chain of pubs was the brainchild of entrepreneur and playboy Cisco Delaware. From lowly beginnings, (just three Clowns opened in the inaugural year of the project), the concept soon spread through central Europe like a malignant tumour.
Delaware was wise to the inefficiency of the traditional tavern and set out to apply the rational calculative principles of the fast-food sector to the social beverage outlet. First to go were the absurd staffing levels of olde world venues and an end to the ritualistic mummery of drink purchasing – short men would no longer have to suffer the stigma of deficient bar presence. All Clowns boast a Beverage Walkway: a punter merely has to access the Walkway and select required beverages from a computer handset. After retrieving their drinks from the automated dispenser, the customer scans the items at a designated ScanPoint and the money is instantly transferred from their back account. Other Clown initiatives include E-Purchasing, Virtual Fun Zones and Tapas Conveyor Belts.
Undoubtedly the most adroit of businessmen, Delaware countered the possibility that these rational principles may disenchant the pub setting by employing a British policy with regard to dress-code and closing times. This prevented The Bruised Clown pubs from becoming lifeless and mechanized, as they were soon jam-packed with sad, shirt-wearing, salacious binge drinkers.
Some nimbyistic, luddite areas attempted to resist the building of Clowns in their backyard, but even ‘chic’ poncy areas of France eventually had to capitulate to the rampant onslaught of commercial progress.
Hen parties a speciality. Welcome to The Bruised Clown!
